


Tear Stained

by FlamingoLady



Category: Glee
Genre: AU after TBU, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 08:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6147532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamingoLady/pseuds/FlamingoLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine has nightmares after the break-up and makes changes and has epiphanies that change the course of his future. Through it all, there is Kurt. Written for Blaine Anderson Big Bang 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Been a While

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first attempt at writing for something like this and it was very stressful, but loads of fun. I'd like to thank my beta Talia for all of her help and great ideas, my friend Mellie who gave everything a last once over and last but certainly not least to the amazing Colleen/thisdoesnotsuck for the gorgeous artwork to go with this story. Thanks also to Anna for bullying me into writing, even though I was nervous about deadlines. BTW, if you haven't already, go read the other stories for BABB. They have all been great so far and I can't wait to read the rest!

  


_“Do you remember which train you have to take and where to go once you get there?”_

_Smiling fondly at his boyfriend, Blaine nodded, “Yes Kurt, I know where I’m going from the three run-throughs we did last week. What are you doing this morning since your classes don’t start until noon?”_

_Holding up his hands and laughing, Kurt smiled back, “Okay, I’m just checking on you. As for me, I’m meeting Elliott this morning to rehearse and then we’ll fuck until I have to meet Rachel at the café for lunch and then walk to class.”_

_Smile dropping from his face, Blaine stared at Kurt, “Wait, what?”_

_Giving him a confused look, Kurt replied calmly, “What’s wrong? I didn’t think there was a problem with casual sex since you did it after only three weeks. And with a stranger too. At least I dated Elliott for a while.”_

_Tears began to flow freely down Blaine’s face as he shook his head, “I don’t understand. I thought you loved me, Kurt! How could you do this to me?”_

_A hard, cold look came over Kurt’s normally beautiful face before saying, “I thought the same thing before Eli C. Now you know how it feels to have the love of your life cheat on you, Blaine.”_

“NO!” Sweat dripping down his face to mix with his tears, Blaine sat straight up in bed. Sobbing into his hands, he moaned, “Not again! I thought these nightmares were finally going away.”

~KB~KB~KB~KB~KB~

 

The next day at school, Sam noticed how tired Blaine looked and recognized the red-rimmed eyes. “Hey man, are you okay? Looks like you had a bad night.” Leaning over his friend while placing a comforting arm around his shoulder, he whispered, “Are you having those nightmares again?”

Embarrassed about his weakness, Blaine continued getting his books from his locker and avoiding Sam’s concerned eyes while nodding. “Yeah, I thought they’d finally gone away after Kurt and I talked at Christmas, but the one last night was the worst one in a long time. I don’t even know what the hell caused it.” Leaning into his friend’s warmth, Blaine finally looked up at him and asked, “What am I going to do, Sam? Therapy didn’t help and because I had to talk to that stupid guy about all the crap that happened the nightmares just got worse. I know Kurt is dating someone and I really tried to move on. Nick and Jeff took me to this new gay club near Dalton that’s for the under twenty-one crowd and I flirted and danced with a couple of really cute guys, but when they did anything more than dance, like one tried to hold my hand when we went for drinks, I just felt so dirty. I know we aren’t together, but I felt like I was cheating on Kurt all over again. It just felt wrong to be without him there. How pathetic is that?”

Sam gave his friend a one-armed hug before saying, “I know, dude. I’ve been there, but you can’t keep this up much longer. You’re barely sleeping, your grades have dropped, and you haven’t even really been fighting for solos in glee club. It’s like you’re here, but you’re not. I know one thing for sure though, this isn’t good for you. We have to figure something out.”

Sighing loudly before leaning against his locker, Blaine replied sadly, “I know. I just don’t know what to do from here. I wish talking helped, but that seemed to make things worse. Maybe if it was to someone who understands what I’m going through instead of just some random person? I don’t know.”

Sam pulls him in for a loose hug, hating to see how much his friend is still hurting. “Dude, I think your biggest problem is that you haven’t forgiven yourself for what happened. We’re really young. We’re supposed to make stupid mistakes. That doesn’t make us bad people, just people who made bad choices. Kurt is even talking to you again and says he’s close to forgiving you. Think about it, man. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Thanks Sam. I think I really needed to hear that. You’re right. Kurt is on the way to forgiving me and I’m still stuck in the past paralyzed by self-hatred. I think I might try one of the things the doctor mentioned to me at my complete failure of a therapy session; I want to try keeping a journal. He said that sometimes writing things down was a way of letting things out in a healthy way. That way I can get out of my head, but not feel like I’m being judged more than I’m already judging myself.”

~KB~KB~KB~KB~KB~

After school, Blaine stopped at his favorite quirky little bookshop called _Read Between the Lines._ They carried used books and some other items, including what he was looking for today: journals. He found a really beautiful one that was leather bound and had a scene of the Muses tooled into the cover. He thought it seemed appropriate and might even help with his self-appointed task. He also bought a very nice new fountain pen to write down all of the painful things he knew he would need to get out of his head. Maybe with a nice pen and journal to use, it wouldn’t be so painful.  “ _Yeah right_ ,” he thought.

With his purchases tucked away in his school bag, Blaine made his way to his favorite private getaway: The far corner of the Lima Bean with a medium drip and the overstuffed chair that makes him feel like he is sitting on a big fluffy marshmallow cloud. That thought always makes him grin a little, and he definitely needed that today. He pulled out the journal and pen and started to think about how he wanted to start. Did he want it to be like a letter to himself or someone else? How about the classic “Dear Diary?” Stream of consciousness was always a good option... A list of facts and something about them? “ _No! That’s definitely not how I want to go about this._ ” In the end, Blaine decided to do a standard journal entry with a little bit of a narrative. Maybe he could pretend it was someone else he was talking to and then he wouldn’t need to go back to that therapist who only made things worse.

_January 10, 2013_

_I’m not really sure how to start this, so I’m just going to start talking (writing?) about what I can’t seem to get out of my mind. I am a horrible person. I kept pushing my boyfriend away last year until he started to feel neglected and then he got all flirty with another guy. I made a huge deal out of it when it really wasn’t. Especially after what Sebastian had been texting me for at least a month before that happened. Before I finally realized what I was doing, I made a fool out of both of us by singing a song in Glee about how Kurt cheated on me when he didn’t, or if he did then so did I, I guess._

_He didn’t get into NYADA like he wanted to, and got really depressed about being stuck in Lima, so I convinced him that he should go to New York even if he wasn’t going to be in school right now and he could get inspired by the city and ready to re-audition for the Winter semester. I knew it would be lonely without most of my friends, but I thought that I could handle it. Boy, was I wrong! When he was looking for work, he found a great internship at Vogue.com and they immediately loved him, of course. This was great for cheering him up, but it also meant that he was super busy. Dates got cancelled; calls were missed or cut short. He even stopped answering my calls while he was at work, even if he was on lunch and we’d scheduled a quickie chat just to stay in touch. I was starting to get really down and was feeling pretty bad about myself, and then it happened. In retrospect, this was nothing but, because of how I was feeling that day, when Kurt hung up on me after cancelling our Skype date for that night without saying he loved me, my heart was broken and it seemed like he’d outgrown me. He was working in this glamorous new job with fabulous new people and I was just his high school boyfriend. Why in the world would he want me anymore? Hell, I wouldn’t have wanted me._

_After realizing Kurt had hung up while I was saying, “I love you,” I did the dumbest thing in my life up to that point. While playing around on FaceBook, I started chatting with this guy. He was a friend of a friend of my brother’s, but he was flirting and calling me sexy and he made me feel a little better about myself. When he asked me to come over, I said yes, thinking we would just hang out and watch a movie or something, but I was wrong again._

_I have to say this because this journal is just for me and this is something I know, but don’t always remember: **I SHOULD NEVER DRINK!**_

_We started out just talking and listening to music - and then the alcohol came out. Eli, the guy, kept getting closer and closer while we talked and his hand was on my knee and moving up farther and farther and then we were kissing and our clothes were on the floor and I was waking up the next morning wondering what the fuck I’d done and how I could have done it to Kurt._

“Blaine?” A familiar voice interrupted Blaine’s writing and when he looked up he saw someone he hadn’t seen in years. His friend Alex, with whom he’d gone to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Looking shocked, he quickly replied, “Alex? Is it really you? I thought you and your family had moved away after you got out of the hospital.” Standing when he saw the smile spreading across Alex’s face, Blaine leaned in and gave him a quick hug.

“We did for a while. I came back to go to OSU in Lima. Can you believe it? What about you? What have you been up to and where are you going to school now? Still performing every chance you get?”

The smile faded from Blaine’s face when he realized that Alex had missed out on a few things. “Well, I ended up having to stay in the hospital for about two months, so that meant I had to repeat my freshman year, which means I’m still in high school. I’m at McKinley High now and in their Glee club as male lead. We won nationals last year and hope to follow that up again this year. I was dating a wonderful man named Kurt. I ended up screwing that up by fucking a random guy when I was depressed after Kurt graduated and left for New York. We broke up, but have been working on getting our friendship back. Things are working out pretty well, but I’m still having a lot of problems.”

Scoffing softly, he murmured, “I haven’t had nightmares this bad since we were attacked.”

Grabbing Blaine’s hands, Alex looked deeply into his eyes, the compassion he felt for his friend clear in his expression. Quietly he asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Smiling, Blaine thanked Alex and began explaining his issues, “Thanks for the offer, but I really don’t know what you could do to help. My Mom wanted me to start seeing a therapist when I was having the worst of the nightmares, but the guy was a jerk and he wanted me to tell him about all of the things that had happened in one session and bringing it all back up like that instead of at my own pace made me feel terrible about myself and the nightmares got even worse. Things were really bad when all of this was going on, but after Kurt and I started talking again around Christmas it seemed like things were getting better. Most of the time, things are okay now, but last night, for some reason, I had a horrible nightmare and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m exhausted. My friend noticed and helped me realize that I have to do something to help myself come back from this, so I am finally trying one of the things the therapist suggested about writing in a journal. I just started; in fact, that’s what I was doing when you came up and said hello. I think it’s a good start. I really needed to get these things out and it felt so weird telling a stranger about my personal life.”

Returning Blaine’s smile, Alex agreed. “I know exactly what you mean! I took a little bit of a different approach than you did to getting over the attack. I got really angry that I was hurt for being myself, so I ended up trying to send a big fuck off to the universe by sleeping with every guy I could. I even seduced several straight guys and lost a lot of friends in the process. When I ended up in therapy, my sexual exploits were the main thing they wanted to talk about because that was my coping method, but it was so uncomfortable and embarrassing. I realized it was only hurting me and the guys I was with and that’s why I agreed to therapy, but it was horrible at first. In the end, it really helped me a lot though. It sounds like you just got the wrong therapist. I’d recommend mine, but she’s in Chicago where we moved to, and I doubt you really want to go that far just for therapy,” he added with a smirk.

“No, I don’t think I’d really want to drive that far,” Blaine responded, laughing, “but I have another idea, though. I just remembered that I heard one of my friends mention that her mom is a therapist, so I’m going to talk to her and see if I can find out what kind of therapy she does. Brittany is really quirky, but has these perfect moments of genius if you pay attention to what she’s really saying. I just sort of ignored her at first because she seemed like the typical ditzy blonde, but then Kurt made a comment about something she said and it hit me that some of the things that sounded so crazy were really insightful. I’m hoping her mom might be the same. Well, hopefully without the weirdness.”

“She sounds like she’d be a much better fit for you if she’s anything like your friend. Someone easy to talk to and with a sense of humor would be great for you. Just give her a chance, okay? I can tell that you really need someone to talk to and I can tell you from experience, just letting things go and ignoring them doesn’t work at all.”

Smiling at his friend, Blaine agreed, “I think you’re right. I’m going to talk to Brit tomorrow and see what she says about her mom. If it sounds like as good a fit as I think it will be, then I’m going to call for an appointment. Thanks a lot for listening to all of this mess, Alex. I’ve really missed talking to you. Are you going to be around much or do you have a busy school schedule?”

Chuckling, Alex replied, “No, I’m not really sure what I want to do, so I’m trying to get most of my core classes out of the way in case I decide to transfer somewhere for a specific program once I choose  a major. I just liked the idea of being closer to home and friends for a while, but living in the dorms away from my crazy parents. Best of both worlds, you could say.” Looking at his watch, Alex’s eyes opened in surprise, “Shit! We’ve been talking for a lot longer than I realized. I’ve got to head back to campus to meet mom and help her unpack the rest of her enormous care package that somehow includes furniture. Can I get your number so we can keep in touch this time? I’ve missed you too!”

“Sure, give me your phone and I’ll put my contact info in there and send myself a text so I’ve got yours too.” Blaine took the phone and quickly put in his phone number and email address before sending himself a quick text. Handing the phone back, “Here you go. I put in my email address too, just in case you want to have more than just a quick conversation.” He stood and pulled Alex into a quick hug, “I really am glad that we ran into each other. It’s been way too long and, honestly, I can use all of the friends I can get right now.”

Watching Alex leave, Blaine started to feel lighter than he had in a long time. He had a plan and one more friend to help him deal with his problems. This was a step in the right direction and he was going to take advantage of it. Brittany was a beautiful soul and if her mother was anything like her in that respect, she should be able to help him get over his self-doubt and hatred. Once that happened, he was determined to reunite with Kurt and show him that he was the man he used to be. Even if they were only friends, Blaine needed his best friend back.


	2. I Can Be Tough, I Can Be Strong

Kurt looked up from his Facts of Life marathon with Santana to see Rachel sulking as she walked into the loft. This was nothing unusual since her break-up with Brody and her choosing not to contact Finn to talk about his involvement in the revelation of Brody’s side-job as a gigolo.

“What’s wrong today, Rachel? You look like someone kicked your puppy,” Santana jeered.

Glaring at their brutally honest, yet surprisingly caring roommate, Rachel sighed loudly before answering, “Seeing Brody in classes is not only awkward, but still hurts. I know it shouldn’t, but I can’t help feeling like a complete idiot for believing his line about being _honest_ with each other. Why do I have such horrible taste in men?”

Kurt quickly looked at Rachel and said, “Hey! My brother is awesome, but you two just weren’t in the right place to be together and definitely not ready to get married. You know you’re gonna end up together, right?”

Smiling sadly at him, “I know we will, or at least I hope that we will. He’s my first love, but we’ve hurt each other so much I have to wonder whether we’re truly meant to be together or not.”

“Oh please!” Santana interrupted. “You and Frankenteen were made for each other. What was the line from Buffy?

‘You just weren’t done baking yet.’ But seriously, you need to get over this break up! Between you and Lady Hummel here, I’m just about ready to break out the sad song playlist and Ben & Jerry’s every time I walk into the apartment. That’s not happening though, because I’ve got a date with Dani tonight. So be happy for me bitches, and try to find new cuddle-bunnies so you’re not so fucking depressing to the rest of us.”

Kurt pouted and said, “I tried! Elliot and I went out a couple of times, but it just didn’t feel right. He wasn’t all needy like Adam was, but it almost felt like I was kissing a Goth version of Finn,” he whined while shuddering. “He’s so fucking hot! _Why_ can’t I be attracted to him? I’m doomed to be celibate!”

“Kurt, you know that you really should give Elliot another shot. You two are very compatible vocally and you look cute together. Besides, we’re in a band together and if you decide to break up then things may be uncomfortable for everyone at rehearsals. At least I only have to see Brody twice a week in class. I don’t really have to perform with him or that could be catastrophic to the number we were supposed to be doing.”

Both Kurt and Santana were staring at Rachel as if she had grown another head. Santana snapped first. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re worried about awkward band practices more than you are with your best friend being happy? What is _wrong_ with you, Berry? Kurt is just as unhappy as you are, but you’re not even acknowledging it. Some friend you are. I’m out of here. I need to get myself hotter than usual for my date.” With that, she stood and leaned in to kiss Kurt on the forehead before winking and dashing into the bathroom with her outfit for the evening.

“Thanks for being so concerned for my feelings, Rach. I’m going to my room now. See you in the morning.” Kurt stood up and slowly walked over to his section of the loft and entered through the curtain, hoping for privacy away from Rachel’s current insanity.

Before he could shut the curtained wall, Rachel pushed her way in saying, “I’m sorry, Kurt! I didn’t mean it that way, but you know as well as I do that breakups are a detriment to the creative process.”

Waving her off, Kurt continued into his little sanctuary, pulling the fabric from Rachel’s hands and closing them in her face and said loudly enough for her to hear, “I know Rach, but you could be a little concerned for me too, you know? Maybe just once? Now, I’m going to bed. I’d appreciate you not talking at me through the curtains, okay?”

Huffing loudly in frustration, Rachel replied quietly, “Fine. Be that way. If you want to talk, I’ll be here for the rest of the night.”

Kurt quickly changed into his soft flannel sleep pants and an old Dalton shirt that he’d stolen from Blaine. Flopping onto the bed, he realized just how much he missed his ex-boyfriend, but even more than that, he missed his best friend. Sadly, they were the same hazel-eyed cutie. More and more often lately, he’d been thinking that he might try to contact Blaine while he was in Lima for Spring Break. They had talked at Mr. Schuester’s wedding, if you could call that travesty a wedding. He had even invited Blaine back to his room where they had talked for most of the night and finally come to an understanding. Kurt had been hurt badly. Blaine had misunderstood their situation and made a horrible mistake that cost them the trust that their relationship had been built on. Kurt was still hurt and a little angry, but was willing to try and move past it in the near future. Blaine was horribly sorry and wanted nothing more than to have his best friend and boyfriend back, but realistically knew that he might not get either. The biggest revelation was not really a surprise to either of them: They still loved each other very much, but weren’t yet ready to reconcile.

That conversation, while necessary, had been one of the most difficult things Kurt had done in his life. All he really wanted to do was grab Blaine and throw him down on the bed, but he knew that they needed to get the difficult conversations over with so that they could move on to forgiveness. If they didn’t, he knew himself and knew he would always hold slight resentment towards Blaine because of what he had put them through. They had started texting more since then and it was nice. Comfortable... but he missed what they had, while still wanting to move on from it. He was very confused on the topic of wanting and also not wanting Blaine, but decided to definitely set up some time with Blaine when he was home. This decision seemed to take most of the building tension out of Kurt and when he looked over at his alarm clock, he was surprised to see that it was already midnight. Knowing that Rachel had most likely gone to bed already encouraged him to get up and find a quick snack since he had skipped dinner to avoid the know-it-all busybody that masqueraded as his best-friend.

He made a small salad and warmed up a tiny portion of the lasagna from the previous night. He also grabbed a bottle of water and a can of Diet Coke then took his tray of goodies back to his bedroom, where he pulled out his laptop and decided to torture himself a little more by scrolling through Blaine’s FaceBook page, as well as the one dedicated to the New Directions. Kurt noticed that Blaine hadn’t really posted much since their break-up, but seemed to be getting back into the swing of the social media thing since they had their talk last month. There were a few new pictures posted that showed Blaine’s beautiful smile starting to sneak back onto his adorable face. Seeing this made Kurt very happy. Even when they had been apart, he hated to see Blaine sad or, even worse, crying. There was something inherently _wrong_ with seeing Blaine without a smile or grin on his face. He was cute when he was upset or mad, because Kurt thought he looked almost like a little puppy trying to growl at a Rottweiler. Moving on, he closed out FaceBook and started going through some of his own pictures from the folder labeled “Klaine.” It held so many wonderful memories that made his bruised heart ache and made him even more determined to get back, at the very least, the friendship that they were both missing so badly. His favorite, by far, was the picture snapped secretly by Tina of his face when Blaine gave him his gum-wrapper ring. They both looked so happy and Kurt remembered how fast his heart was beating during Blaine’s lovely speech full of wonderful promises. Best day ever. So far...

Sometime later, after putting away the laptop and lying down to get lost in his thoughts, Kurt felt a warm body slip into bed with him and wrap him up in her strong arms. He relaxed back into her embrace and sighed sadly. “Tana, what am I going to do? I still love him so much, but I feel like I shouldn’t. What do you think I should do?”

Pulling him around to face her, Santana started talking while combing her fingers through his soft hair, “I think you need to trust your heart. I can see how much you miss him, and I will deny it if you ever tell him, but I think that Blaine was one of the best things to ever happen to you. You were so lost at McKinley during that whole nightmare bullying phase, and when you came back from Dalton, you were different. You seemed to have _restrained_ yourself more but when the hobbit came over to join you, you started to get back to yourself and it was awesome. You seemed to have matured so much and he was right there to support you. Yes, you guys had fights, but there was always love behind everything. I know that you still have his picture under your pillow and that the most listened to playlist is **Car Music** , which, of course, was your ridiculous and nauseatingly adorable duets for singing in the car.” Hugging him tightly to her when she saw the tears slowly start to trickle down his face she asked,”Tell me honestly what happened with Elliott. No judgment here, I promise. I just want to use it for comparison in a few minutes.”

Kurt snorted out a bitter laugh and reluctantly started to speak, “Well, we had decided to get dinner and then go out dancing for a while. Dinner was nice, we talked a lot and really got to know each other better, but something just didn’t seem to be clicking between us. We ended up at this really funky little club that El said he had heard some of the Cocky Boys liked to hang out at so maybe we could see, flirt, or dance with one of them and be able to have a cool Instagram memory of the night. We danced for what seemed like hours and you know what it’s like when you’re dancing in one of those places. It gets hot and sweaty and the pheromones are choking everyone and we started kissing and grinding up on each other while we were still on the dance floor. It was really great, but then he asked me if I wanted to get out of there and we ended up back at his apartment. He put on some music and we went back to making out. You know kissing feels good just because it’s kissing. I even enjoyed kissing Brittany and you and I both know I’m not attracted to her in that way. Anyway, the kissing was nice, hot even, but then he started to try for a little more, and I stopped him because I wasn’t ready for something like that.”

Santana poked his chest and winked, “Let me guess, he wanted to get better acquainted with Puff the Magic Pants Dragon?”

Blushing furiously, Kurt pushed her shoulder, “What are you talking about? I’ve never named my penis and, even if I did, it would _not_ be that!”

Laughing at his embarrassment, she explained, “Normally, I would just say Little whoever, but since it was you and I’ve seen the monster that lives in those ridiculously tight pants, I couldn’t call it that so I came up with something more appropriate.”

Staring at her in shock and with his mouth hanging open, Kurt finally snapped out of his daze and asked quietly, “When have you seen my dick and why didn’t I know about this?”

Laughing again, Santana told him her secret, “I was curious since I’d been with just about all of the guys on the football team back when you were on it for those few weeks and honestly, the pants you wear don’t hide anything. In fact, some of them highlight the fact that you are seriously gifted in that area. But anyway, I snuck into the locker room with Brit and we peeked while you were showering one night. I think that was why she was so interested in trying to get into your overalls during your trucker phase.”

Rolling over and hiding his head under his pillow, Kurt was mumbling something she couldn’t really understand. “What are you bitching about? You’ve got most of the guys in the school beat, even Puck, if you’re really interested. I thought that was a big deal with guys. Why are you so upset?”

Peeking out from under his pillow, Kurt looked at her with wide eyes, “Why am I embarrassed that my female roommate has seen me naked? Or that she did it with her girlfriend, who then tried to get with me? Oh, I don’t know where to start! I’m gay. At that point, I was a virgin. I didn’t know you were there. I wouldn’t have _wanted_ you there because I am a very private person. How are those for reasons? Oh yeah, I wanted my boyfriend to be the first person since my diaper changing days to see me naked? I actually thought he was, to be honest. I _knew_ that no one would look at _me_ in the locker room because they were afraid of catching the gay!”

Looking quite serious now, Santana pulled him back into a hug, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I sometimes forget that not everyone is as shameless as I am. I want you to know something though. Before this happened, I saw you as some sexless little porcelain figurine, but I couldn’t think that anymore after seeing you like that. Then, when you did 4 Minutes with the Cheerios, I saw just how sexy you could be if you weren’t trying so hard. Toxic and Born This Way were the same thing. You have no idea how attractive you are. By the way, when you did that solo/duet? Le Jazz Hot, I thought that both Sam and Mike were going to explode, possibly in more ways than one,” she said winking salaciously.

Smacking her shoulder, Kurt blushed furiously and said, “They _were not_! You are making that up. I have all the sex appeal of a baby penguin. I’m working on it now, but back then? No way! Blaine told me that my sexy faces looked like gas pains and he was right. I couldn’t be sexy if I tried.”

Seeing how upset he was over this, Santana tugged on his chin until he was looking her in the eyes before she started speaking, “I know exactly what you’re talking about, Porcelain, and I agree. You _can’t_ be sexy if you _try_ but if you don’t try? You are the hottest thing around. You have this presence on stage that just screams that you’re the hottest, bitchiest, and best thing anywhere around and you know it, but no one can have you unless you let them in. I don’t think you realized you even did it, but when you were on the Cheerios and had to walk around in that uniform? You had this strut that made everyone look at you for the _right_ reasons. You and Blaine also had a thing where you could go from cute Disney Princes to potential porn stars in one look. It was confusing as fuck, but definitely H-O-T.”

Giggling, Kurt nudged her with his shoulder, “Tana, you are the best person in the world for my ego and I honestly can’t say if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but thank you. I really needed to hear that. I know you’re right, deep down, but I never really _felt_ all that attractive, except when I was with Blaine. He may not have always said that he appreciated how I looked, but I could tell that he did. I think that you’re right about him bringing out the best in me, because I can’t remember ever feeling better about myself than I did when I was with him. Now I just need to get past this cheating bullshit and learn how to trust him again. Do you think I’m stupid to do that? I know you’ve been on both sides of this, so do you think I’ll end up hurt again?”

“Sweets, you are one of the smartest people I know and you know what you want and I think that you have great instincts about this too. Personally, I don’t think Short and Sassy has it in him to cheat on you again, or even the desire to. Honestly though, what do you think? You know him better than just about anyone. Can you trust him with your heart again?”

Squeezing her to him quickly before pulling back to look at her seriously, “Yes, I think I can and, if not, I think it would be worth the risk to make sure. I was already planning to meet up with him while I’m in Lima for Spring Break, so I’m going to tell him that I want to try working our way back to being boyfriends again. Is it weird that as much as I enjoyed and miss the sex, I miss having my best friend to talk to and share things with more?”

“No. It just shows that you guys were together for the right reasons. I’ve been with a lot of people, and I’ve realized that sex is just sex until it’s with someone you really care about. With Brittany, it started off as a way to let out my inner lesbian with another hot cheerleader but, it grew into so much more when I started to realize how I felt about her. Breaking up with her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I know that it was the right choice for the both of us. It wasn’t fair of me to just keep her in Lima, waiting for me to come back when I was originally way too busy to pay her the amount of attention that she needed and deserved. I know it was the right thing to do, but my heart was screaming at me to not do it, that I should just be selfish like I usually am and keep her waiting on me until we could be together but, I couldn’t do that. I hate that she’s dating Sam now, but I know he’s what she needs right now. I know things will work out the way they’re supposed to. It just has to, right?”

Kurt pulled her closer again and whispered, “You and Brit will be back together within six months. I can feel it.” After her returning squeeze, Kurt surprised her by saying, “Tana, thanks for everything tonight. I feel so much better.”

Hugging him tightly to her, Santana whispered, “You’re welcome. Could you not tell anyone what I said about Brit? I don’t want to hurt Dani and you know Rachel will be a total bitch about it.”

Smiling, Kurt kissed her forehead and whispered back, “Your secret is safe with me.”


	3. It's Been a While Since I Could Stand on My Own Two Feet Again

The next few weeks were hectic for Blaine, but he had not been happier in a very long time. He had Alex back in his life and that was fantastic. The day following his unexpected meeting with his old friend at The Lima Bean, he talked with Brittany and she informed him that her mother worked mainly with teenagers and young adults and that she was awesome, so he should really talk to her if he needed someone. He proceeded to make an appointment with her and after meeting her, found that she was exactly as he had hoped she would be; a little eccentric in her methods, but completely professional. Dr. Pierce was helping him feel more like Blaine and less like _The Cheater_ with every visit. He was talking with Kurt more and they had made plans to spend some time together during Spring Break after Regionals. Kurt even promised to be there for their performance since he would be in Lima then so that he could be with his Dad when he got the latest results from his cancer tests. Blaine was both excited and terrified. What if Kurt only wanted to be friends now? What if Blaine screwed things up again somehow? No! He knew that he was getting better and he was committed to making Kurt understand how important he was to him. He would not screw things up.

Today was Friday, the weekly after school meeting with Blaine, Sam, and Tina to discuss all of the important things that they never got around to during their school day small talk. Today’s topic was which colleges they had all applied to, what their plans were, and if they had heard back from any of them yet. Tina reported that she wants to go to NYU-Tisch for Costume Design or Musical Theater, possibly both. She hasn’t decided for sure yet. Sam is looking into programs for teaching children, specifically those with learning disabilities. He knew how hard it was to deal with going through school without help and thinking that you were not working hard enough, or were just plain dumb. He didn’t want other kids to go through that kind of hardship. Neither had yet heard back from any of their prospective schools, but knew that they should be hearing something within the next month or so.

Blaine is another story. He was already accepted into Columbia’s program for Psychology with a minor in Music, and he plans to complete his Master’s program for Psychology with a certification after his Bachelor’s degree in either Music or Drama Therapy. Dr. Pierce has been a real inspiration to him, and the few exercises that she’s given him that revolved around music have helped him more than he ever expected. He knew that teaching had always been an idea that appealed to him, but he loved music and acting so much that he didn’t want to give up on those without giving them a chance. This option combined all of the things that he loved and seemed like a perfect fit. If only his parents agreed. They still were trying to convince him that he should follow them into the “family professions” of medicine or law since Cooper had run off to be an actor. They didn’t see a psychologist as a doctor, at least not a respectable one.

“What do you mean they don’t think that they’re doctors? I know that you don’t get to prescribe medications or need to go to medical school, but you’re still doing clinical work and have to have licenses and that kind of stuff, too,” Sam protested.

“Yeah!” Tina joined in to voice her support, “You also have the PhD title and that’s still a doctor. I know that the Music Therapist certification doesn’t require that, but you do need to have supervised clinical hours to qualify. Is this because you’re taking music as a minor? Because music therapy is really popular and seems to be working for a lot of people. I read an article when you first started talking about it and it said that a lot of people responded better to music therapy than to regular therapy because it connects to their emotions or something like that. I know that most of my family and friends use music to help us feel better if we’re sad or upset. It really helps to lift my spirits or clear my head.” Tina sat with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She was personally offended by how Blaine’s parents seemed to ignore what he thought or said about pretty much everything and had been very vocal on the matter. This was one of the reasons Blaine had grown so close to her. She hadn’t picked sides like most of Kurt’s friends had done during the initial breakup. She told them both that she loved them equally for different reasons and wasn’t going to cut herself off from either one of them.

Blaine smiled at his friends and sighed tiredly, “I know guys, and they just won’t listen to me. They are happy about Columbia, but would rather I be Pre-Med or Pre-Law. They even said that they could understand if I wanted to be a psychiatrist since they,” making air quotes for emphasis, “‘ _Went to medical school like real doctors do.’_ I’ve gotten to the point where I really just don’t care what they think as long as they agree to pay for school, because I know I won’t be able to afford it on my own. My trust fund from my grandparents is pretty small and will really only cover my apartment since I learned how expensive it is to live in New York City when I helped Kurt and Rachel look for places last year.”

Nodding at his statement, Sam added, “Do we need to start doing that, or are you guys going to be living on campus wherever you go? I’m not sure which would be better since I’m going to have to depend on scholarships, grants, and loans for pretty much everything. My parents are doing better, but I wouldn’t want to put that kind of financial burden on them right now.”

“I’m planning on finding an apartment and I was hoping that you guys might want to live with me. I know I could afford to live alone with the money I have, but I don’t like the idea of being alone in a city that I’m not all that familiar with. I also really don’t want to live on campus and have to worry about crazy roommates that I’ve never met and would be forced to deal with any time I’m not in class.” Blaine gave both Sam and Tina his famous puppy dog eyes and both started laughing.

“That sounds great to me!” Sam exclaimed. “I really hate the idea of living with strangers in New York City. Strange people that I already know would be awesome, though!”

Tina gasped as if she’d been insulted, but then giggled and said, “Just for that remark, you are stuck with trash detail for the first two months we’re there!”

Blaine yelped in excitement, “Yay! Now I can’t wait to get there! I’ll have both of my best friends there and I’m still hoping to get my third one back, too. I think not going to the same school will be better for Kurt and me, and NYADA just doesn’t have what I’m looking for. Do you guys think I’m doing the right thing? I mean, I could always try to audition for NYADA also, but I know Dad would be pissed off. Mom wouldn’t really care if I tried out, but I really don’t know how Kurt would react.”

With a quiet huff, Tina started in on what sounded like it was going to be a long diatribe about Kurt and how Blaine seems to only think about Kurt and not himself when Sam quickly cuts in, “I think that even though you two are working things out, which is great, that you’re better off doing what _you_ want and not what Kurt wanted you to do.”

Holding up his hand, signaling Blaine to let him finish, he continued, “I know that you two talked about going to NYADA together but, since you’ve been apart, you don’t really seem to want the same things anymore and I know Kurt. He will appreciate you not doing something just for him when you really don’t want to do it, especially something as big as going to a different school for a whole different major than you really want to be. You need to talk with him about it, though and explain why you are making a new plan. I also know that Kurt will second-guess himself and think that you’re not going to NYADA because he’ll be there.”

Listening carefully to what Sam said made Blaine more confident in his decision. “You’re right. I have changed what I really want to do and Kurt will be upset if I don’t tell him why I’ve changed my mind about NYADA. He’s coming into town for Burt’s doctor visit on Thursday, so I’ll talk to him about this when we get together on Friday. I don’t want to get too serious before Burt’s appointment since I know he will be really stressed out about getting the results to the tests. They’re hoping that the treatments worked well and are supposed to find out then.”

Tina smiled sadly, “I’m really sorry he’s got to come in for that reason, but I’m glad that he’s going to be here for Regionals. It’s been really weird this year with all the new kids in Glee and all the original guys gone. I especially miss Kurt and Mercedes. Making costumes without my two best helpers is super hard!”

Blaine was happy to hear Tina saying something positive about Kurt for a change. He hoped this meant that she was over being mad at Kurt because Blaine wasn’t interested in her romantically because he’s gay and wanted to get his ex-boyfriend back instead. Trying to encourage this line of thinking, he asked, “Did he help you with costume stuff before? I know he made some of his own things, but I didn’t realize that he did anything for Glee club.”

Tina blushed and said quietly, “No, he didn’t help me. I helped him. He was a wiz with a needle and thread and showed me how to do just about everything I know how to do with sewing and a lot with designing clothes, too. When I was in my Goth phase, I had a terrible time trying to find anything even remotely interesting around here. Kurt and I started talking about one of his outfits at lunch one day and he mentioned that he made most of it and he offered to help me make some things for myself. Some of my best outfits were Kurt Hummel originals. I plan to keep them all and when he makes it big, I’ll show them off to everyone I know.”

All three friends were laughing and their table was getting strange looks, but they didn’t care. They knew their time at McKinley was limited and New York was still just a dream, not a guarantee, so they were taking advantage of all the time they could get together before real life started to kick their asses. They were all starting out on a path that would be a lot of work for each of them in different ways, and enjoying the last few months of fun and coasting through classes was their way of dealing with the anxiety about upcoming, unknown changes.

~KB~KB~KB~KB~KB~

Kurt realized that he was in a bit of a panic, but he couldn’t figure out how to calm down. He was sitting in the Lima Bean with Mercedes, Mike, and Blaine talking about Mercedes’ upcoming video and he kind of lost it a little bit. Blaine could see how upset he was when he started stacking and sorting the sweetener and sugar packets and grabbed his hand and caught his eye. He gave Kurt his favorite smile and everything seemed a little bit better. He was so worried about his Dad and how the appointment this afternoon would go. He knew in his heart that everything was going well with the treatment and his Dad was feeling fine and eating well and exercising, but he also knew that just because things seemed to be going well didn’t mean they really were. His mother had been close to remission just before she took a sudden turn for the worse and what had started out as cervical cancer spread and was quickly eating away at her entire body. Kurt didn’t believe in God, but he had to believe that the universe or Fate or whatever it was that guided everything wouldn’t let him lose his Dad as well as his Mom. He couldn’t handle being an orphan at the age of nineteen.

He looked over at Blaine, who was still holding his hand, and saw the smiling face across from him. It was a lovely sight and one that he had missed more than he could admit, even to himself. He wasn’t sure which he was looking forward to more, hearing that his dad is cancer-free or sitting down with Blaine for a very long and serious talk. He needed this man in his life and he wanted to see if he could trust him with his heart again. He also needed his best friend’s help with another problem he was having: deciding whether he should stay at NYADA or transfer to Parsons.

Isabelle had been trying to talk him into giving a career in fashion a shot after seeing his sketchbook during a late meeting last week. She had seen his designs when his sketchbook fell out of his open messenger bag and immediately started gushing over his talent and potential. Why wasn’t he going to Parsons? She caused him to remember when he had thought of applying there as well as NYADA, but decided against it. What would have happened if he had applied to both schools, but got accepted to Parsons after being rejected by NYADA? Could he really have ended up studying Fashion instead of Musical Theater? Kurt knew that he had a flair for fashion, but didn’t think that his original designs were all _that_ great. Well, his kilt for Prom was amazing. There were also those dresses he’d helped Tina make. He _did_ make a lot of the Glee costumes, but that was with the help of Tina and Mercedes. Maybe he should talk to them, too.

He knew that he would be speaking with Blaine about his possible career shift as well as their relationship status, but also about Blaine’s plans for after graduation. He seemed to be dodging Kurt’s questions about it when they talked on the phone or Skyped, saying that they could talk about it when they sat down together in Lima. He hoped that Blaine’s parents weren’t giving him trouble about what he wanted to do with his life. He knew that they had very different ideas about what their sons should be doing than what their sons really wanted to do. Maybe he’d get the chance to help Blaine like Blaine had helped him last year.

Kurt was determined to get through today with good news, sing his Dad a song with the help of a couple of the Glee girls, and then hole himself away with Blaine tomorrow until they had talked out all of their issues and made a plan for their respective futures. Hopefully, they would be on the same page or something similar but, if not, then he would deal with it and move on. He knew that moving on would not make him happy, though. He knew, after all of these months alone, that he needed Blaine in his life to be truly happy, and he planned on being truly happy. He just had to convince Blaine.


	4. There's a Boy Who Gives a Shit

Blaine. Was. TERRIFIED! He knew that he didn’t need to be worried about anything; hearing the good news about Burt being cancer-free and watching Kurt sing and dance for him with Tina and Kitty was awesome. But now, they were on their way to Blaine’s house for their talk. Things had been going so well, but what if they were only going that way in his mind? What if Kurt had changed his mind and didn’t want to even be friends anymore? Would he be upset with Blaine for not auditioning for NYADA? Would they fight and end up not speaking for the rest of Kurt’s time in Lima? If that happened, would he go back to New York to be away from Blaine all together? _STOP!_ This line of questioning isn’t going to help anything or anyone. Blaine knew that he was working himself up into a panic attack, and he wasn’t going to allow that. It would put off the talk, but the results wouldn’t be any different. He needed to stop worrying and trust in himself and his best friend. They would work this mess of a situation out and, if Blaine had anything to say about it, (which he did), they would be back to being boyfriends and madly in love before classes started for his first semester at Columbia. 

Blaine noticed when Kurt looked over and saw the smile on Blaine’s face and began grinning himself. “What’s that little smile about? I thought something was wrong for a while because you looked like you were either about to pull over and run away screaming or break down crying. I like the smile a lot better.” 

Blaine blushed when he realized how easily Kurt could still read his expressions and moods. “You know me too well,” he said with a teasing pout that broke into a chuckle. “I was doing what I usually do and making the worst of everything that could possibly happen during and after our talk today and, honestly, I was about to give myself a panic attack before I realized that I need to trust in the two of us and finally calmed myself down. In other words, me being stupid old me.” Blaine laughed again, this time at the indignant look on Kurt’s face. 

“Now look here, Mister. You are not stupid and you have every right to worry about how things will go today. I’m worried too but, like you said, we have to trust in each other and know that we’re going to work through this situation just like we have worked through so many things in the past. We started off as best friends and I refuse to lose that. Do you hear me? I need you in my life and that is not up for negotiation.” Settling back in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest Kurt asked, “Did that help calm you down any? And why are you driving slower than Mr. Shue? I would like to get to your house so we can get this started before we both break down.” 

Laughing at the sass, and at all of the love behind it, Blaine answered, “Yes that helped a lot, thank you. As to why I’m driving so slowly? The police have been setting up speed traps near my neighborhood over the last month and I don’t want to get another ticket. I’ve already gotten one, mom has three, and Tina and Sam have gotten two each.” While looking over quickly and flashing a Sebastian-worthy smirk Blaine shot back “Is that a good enough reason for you, Mr. Hummel?” 

Giggling quietly before clearing his throat and putting the serious face back in place, Kurt answered, “Yes, Mr. Anderson. I think that is a good enough reason. Has Pam really gotten three tickets? I’ll bet your Dad is _so_ pissed about the insurance going up.” 

Blaine’s face sobered at the mention of his father. “They haven’t really been talking lately. Mom actually caught him getting a blowjob from one of his secretaries when she went to his office to get something last week and I'm pretty sure that they’re going to end up separating, at the very least. He’s such a prick!” His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he spoke, “Mom has done everything for him, even gave up her painting, which she _loved_! He can’t even appreciate that or the fact that she has played the perfect wife for him at every business function or party they have been to over the past thirty years. No, he has to make her feel like shit and sleep with bimbos that are only a couple of years older than me and make sure she knows about it. I don’t understand how he could be so fucking cruel!”

Luckily, they had turned into Blaine’s driveway about halfway through his rant so he didn’t have to drive while being that emotional. Kurt knew how close he was to his Mom and Blaine’s father should know that he will not have either of his sons’ support. Cooper was just as much a mama’s boy as Blaine. They were both fiercely protective of her during every past fight with her husband. He was just glad that his mother would probably take his Dad to the cleaner’s in the divorce and then she would be able to pay for his college just to spite Mr. David Anderson. Shaking himself to clear his mind, Blaine looked over into Kurt’s concerned face and smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m okay. It’s still pretty fresh in my mind, so I’m a little ranty on the topic.” 

Kurt leaned closer, took Blaine’s hand, and pulled it to his lips to kiss the back of his fingers. “Don’t hold back on my account. I can’t stand your father. He’s been on my shit list ever since he yelled at you for being inappropriate at his office Christmas party because you mentioned that you had a boyfriend when someone asked if you were dating anyone.” 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Cooper even called to yell at him about that when he found out.” After jumping out of the car and walking quickly around to open the door for Kurt, Blaine suggested, “Well, let’s go inside and get this talk started. Shall we?” Holding out his hand, he smiled and helped Kurt out of the car and didn’t let go of his hand the whole way to his door. Regrettably letting go of Kurt’s hand to open the door, he smirked, “I have a little thing set up in the den so we can be comfy and Mom has promised to be out of the house until around eight or nine so that we can talk without her hovering like she tends to do when she knows I’m stressed about something.”

Kurt grinned at Blaine’s rambling, but appreciated all of the preparation he’d obviously done for today. “Thank you. You always manage to make things so much better with all of the thoughtful little things you do.” Grabbing Blaine’s hands, he tugged him around to look into his eyes before saying, “I hope you know how much I appreciate all of this. Not just today, but you always work so hard to make me feel more comfortable when we’ve been in situations that would have otherwise been very uncomfortable.” He pulled Blaine into a tight hug and then stepped back to resolutely head forwards into the den and their very important conversation. 

~KB~KB~KB~KB~KB~

“No way! She really said that about your designs? That’s amazing, Kurt! So, what are you going to do?” Blaine paused for a sip of his soda, waiting for Kurt’s response.

Biting his lower lip in concentration, Kurt tried to figure out how exactly to answer this. “I’m not really sure. I’ve always loved fashion, but performing is my passion. How do I choose between two things that I love like that? I’ve talked to a few friends at NYADA and last night I talked with dad and Carole about it, but I wanted to get your opinion too. Maybe even talk to Tina and Mercedes about it as well since we used to do most of the costuming for Glee. What do you think?” 

Blaine leaned back on the pile of pillows arranged behind him on the floor and thought about everything Kurt had just told him, as well as everything else he knew about him as a whole. He knew that Kurt was amazing at just about anything he did. He could sing like an angel, dance like a dream, and the clothes that he’s made have been well put together and stylish. But he also knew that Kurt thrived on the attention of an audience. The good kind of attention, that is. When he was performing, there was something about him that made him shine like a star in the night sky. There was no way he should hide that, even if he had another choice and that is what he told him. “I think it would be good for you to talk with Tina and Mercedes, but I know how talented you are, and no matter what anyone else says, you belong on stage. I don’t think that you should give up on fashion either, though. You should be able to take a couple of electives or something like that on costume design and then decide after you’ve tried both. That way you can see which one of the things you love is the most important to you. If you really want to do fashion, change your major to costuming or transfer to Parsons. I know you’ll be amazing no matter what, but this way you can try out both things and make an informed decision.” 

Kurt looked at him in shock. How could this man know him better than he knew himself? How had he not thought of that as an option before now? “You are so right! I don’t know how I didn’t think of that before. That is a perfect compromise and you’re right, I can make an informed decision without losing all of the progress I’ve made so far at NYADA. Thank you so much for helping me see clearly for the first time since this whole thing started!” Leaping over the pile of food and drinks between them, Kurt threw his arms around Blaine and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek before moving back to his spot on the picnic blanket and his own pile of pillows. “Now that we’ve gotten all of my future plans worked out, will you finally tell me what you are planning? Are you auditioning for NYADA? Are you still coming to New York? Do you want to be as far from your crazy ex as possible, so you’re moving in with Cooper in LA? Tell me, please?!” 

Laughing at all of the different options Kurt had listed, he smiled fondly at the man across from him and started telling him about his plans. “Well, I am coming to New York, but I won’t be at NYADA. I had a bit of an epiphany this year and realized that as much as I love performing, I want to help people more.” Sighing before he continued, he looked into Kurt’s eyes, “I need to explain some things that happened because of our break up, I know that we still have to come back to them when we talk about that again, but it all fits together, okay?” After getting a quick nod from Kurt he continued, “When we broke up, I started having these horrible nightmares. Mostly just things like you telling me what a terrible person I was and stuff like that, but some of them were really awful. Mom was getting worried because I wasn’t sleeping much at all and you could tell just by looking at me that something was wrong. She made me go to see a therapist, thinking that he could help me, but he just made things worse. I’ve never heard of this kind of therapy, but he wanted me to tell him everything that happened in one session and how I was feeling and what made me do what I did. He even wanted me to tell him everything that I did with the guy when I cheated and if I enjoyed it at the time or just regretted it. It was really creepy and painful and bringing up all of that stuff at once made the nightmares even worse and I felt horrible about myself. I told mom that I wouldn’t go to see that guy again and when I explained why, she agreed.” 

He paused to take a sip of his drink and looked over to see how Kurt was taking all of this. He had a sad expression on his face, but Blaine knew that there was something that he wanted to say so he asked him, “Kurt, I can see that you have something to say but you probably don’t want to say it because you think it will either hurt or upset me, but you can say anything you want to. This is our safe place, remember? We made it that before we even started dating.” 

Smiling faintly back at Blaine’s shy smile, Kurt replied, “You’re right. I was thinking that I shouldn’t say this, but now I think I should, we need to be honest with each other and I know I am safe with you. So, honestly, when this all started, I did think that you were a horrible person. You were the one to tell me to leave and when I did, you cheated on me. The thing that I’ve realized since then is that I was just as guilty as you were. I didn’t cheat, but I practically abandoned you. I kept cancelling on you or just not showing up for scheduled Skype dates and phone calls. I didn’t want to admit it back then, but I feel like I need to now. Please forgive me for ignoring you. I promise that I never did it intentionally, but I know that doesn’t make it any better.” 

Blaine could see the tears getting ready to start and he couldn’t handle seeing Kurt cry over this again. He grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes, “Kurt, don’t cry over this. Please! We both made mistakes and we’ll get to that part of the conversation in a few minutes, but please don’t cry. It breaks my heart every time.” 

Nodding, Kurt wiped his eyes quickly and said, “No more tears for this conversation. I promise. Well, I promise to _try_ not to cry.” 

Winking, Blaine answered, “That’s all I can ask. Anyway, after the horrible round of therapy, I tried my best to get over you. I went out with Sam and Tina, I even went to a gay teen’s club with Nick and Jeff, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The nightmares started getting fewer and farther between after we started talking again at Christmas, and practically went away for good after we talked at the not-wedding. Then one night, totally out of the blue, I had a new nightmare about living in New York with you and you cheating on me saying that’s what I get and now I knew how it felt to be cheated on. I woke up crying and when I got to school, Sam could tell I was exhausted and we started talking about things and I decided to try one of the only sane things that jerk of a therapist had suggested; I was going to try to keep a journal. I went out and bought one and a really nice pen to use with it and headed over to the Lima Bean. While I was writing, I heard someone say my name and when I looked up it was my friend Alex, remember the one I told you I went to the Sadie Hawkins dance with but then lost touch with after we got out of the hospital?” 

Seeing Kurt’s nod, he continued, “Well, we talked for a while and he told me about his experiences in therapy after choosing the Sebastian route of sleeping with anything that moved to try to get past the anger he felt after we were assaulted. When I told him about the guy I’d seen, he agreed that I was seeing the wrong person. I remembered that Brittany had mentioned that her mom was a therapist and I said that I would talk to her. I’ve been seeing Dr. Pierce for about two months now and she’s fantastic! She’s so much like Brit, without most of the crazy and eccentric stuff, but with the insights into things I had never thought about before. She’s helped me so much. She’s also been a real inspiration. I’ve always thought about teaching, you knew that, right? I knew that I loved music and performing, but after Dr. Pierce gave me a few exercises that used music, I started to get an idea. I asked her about the music things she was using with my therapy and she told me about music therapy. It’s really cool, Kurt! It can be used for so many different things and can also be incorporated into regular therapy sessions the way that Dr. Pierce does. I did some research and found out that I can get a Bachelor’s Degree that I can also use for the basis of my Master’s or Doctoral program for Psychology and get licensed as a Music Therapist. I really want to help people and, after seeing how much this helped me, I started looking into programs in New York. Dr. Pierce said that there was a really good program at Columbia, so I applied for early admission and got in! I’m really excited about this, but I know it’s going to be a lot of hard work.” 

He saw that Kurt could tell how happy his college decision made Blaine and his heart grew a little lighter with each happy exclamation. Kurt had to ask, “So you’re still going to be in New York, just not at NYADA, right?” Seeing the nod, he continued, “You’re sure this doesn’t have anything to do with me being at NYADA?” 

Blaine knew that this would come up and he was prepared for it. Grabbing Kurt’s hands, he started to explain, “Kurt, you know I love you and that’s why I want to be totally honest with you. I did originally think about not auditioning for NYADA so that I wouldn’t make you uncomfortable or feel like I was trying to pressure you into anything but, in the end, I knew that NYADA just wasn’t the place for me anymore. This year has been really hard on me and I’ve changed a lot as a person. I know I love performing, but it doesn’t feel as important to me as it used to. When I think about my future, I feel happier when I picture myself helping kids like Dr. Pierce has helped me than I do trying to picture myself singing on some stage. Are you okay with that? With the new me?” 

Looking shyly at Kurt through lowered lashes and with his head slightly bowed, he almost missed the look of shock that flashed across Kurt’s face. “Of course I’m okay with whatever makes you happy, Blaine! I hope that you know by now that I only want to see you succeed and I can tell that you really want this and I know you will be fantastic at it. You always jump into things with your whole heart and I see how much this means to you, so there is no way you won’t be great. I don’t want you to feel guilty or anything like that about not going to NYADA if your dreams are somewhere else now. Don’t let me hold you back and I won’t let you hold me back, either. If we’re meant to be together, then our dreams will lead us in the right direction and we’ll meet in the middle to compromise since our dreams aren’t the same anymore. I’m just glad that you’ll still be in New York. I’m looking forward to seeing lots of you again and getting to know this new Blaine now that we'll be in the same city. If you want to, that is.” 

Blaine couldn’t hold back the tears that started flowing at Kurt’s words. “Thank you so much for saying that! I have been so worried that you would be disappointed in me or hate me or think that I was trying to get away from you or something like that by not going to NYADA.” Blaine dodged the food on the blanket to throw himself into Kurt’s arms. “I was so scared that you wouldn’t like the changes in me. Thank you for your support. I should have expected it from you, but the thought of not having it; of not having you in my life has been driving me crazy for weeks now. That’s why I wanted to talk about it in person and not over the phone or internet, it’s too important to me.” 

Kurt held him tightly in his arms, whispering soothing words to calm Blaine’s troubled mind, “My sweet boy, I will never hate you. Even at my maddest, I didn’t hate you. Believe me when I say that your dreams are just as important as mine. Never doubt that. I want to share our dreams so that we can make things work between us and I don’t really see that being a problem. Do you?” Feeling Blaine shaking his head in the negative, Kurt chuckled and kissed him on the forehead. “Good. Now, I say we move on to the last, and in my opinion the most important, order of business today: our relationship.” 

Blaine giggled a little at Kurt’s all-business tone, but he knew that even said lightly it was a serious topic for the both of them. “I think that sounds like a good idea. Let me just clean up the food quickly before we get started, if you don’t mind.” 

Kurt agreed and excused himself to the bathroom to freshen up and take a little breather from the intense discussion. Blaine did the same while completing the busy work of clearing away the snacks and bringing out a bottle of cold water for each of them. They were back in their places on the blanket and ready to talk seriously about their relationship within fifteen minutes. Neither wanted to drag this out any more than they already had. They needed to figure out where they were headed and how they were going to get there, once and for all. 

Taking a deep breath, Kurt started, “I know that you want to get back together and, honestly, so do I, but we both have some trust issues to work through because of how things fell apart after I left for New York last fall. I think that the best way for us to deal with this, and let me know if you have other ideas, would be to start back as best friends. We have always been there for each other and I know that we both need to prove ourselves before we will be able to truly trust one another again. Do you agree?” 

Blaine thought about Kurt’s reasoning and proposal and agreed with it all. “I think that you’re right. I didn’t see that I was still worried about you leaving me again until I had talked with Dr. Pierce about us. I know in my heart that I can trust you again, but there’s still that little seed of doubt in the back of my mind that won’t go away quite yet. I know that you’ll need time for me to prove my loyalty to you again, too. If you wouldn’t mind, could I ask a really big favor of you before you leave?” 

“Of course, Blaine. What do you need me to do?” 

Hesitantly, Blaine asked, “Would you come with me to see Dr. Pierce? I have an appointment on Monday afternoon and I know that you have to leave on Tuesday, but I promise that it won’t be too long! I’d just really like for the two of you to meet each other and she mentioned before that she thought having you in one of my sessions might help. But you don’t have to do it if...” 

Kurt quickly put a finger over Blaine’s lips to stop his rambling before smiling and saying gently, “I would love to come and meet the wonderful lady who helped you when I couldn’t be here for you. Plus, she’s bringing my favorite person back to me, because the Blaine that you were before? That wasn’t the real you. It was a pale shadow of the beautiful man I fell in love with. I’m seeing all the vibrancy coming back and shining out of you again and I need to thank her for helping that happen.” 

Smiling brilliantly, Blaine leaned over to hug Kurt and kiss him on the cheek. “You really do know just what to say to make me feel better, don’t you?” He rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder for just a minute before sitting back down in his own space. “Thank you for doing this. I really think it will help me and you are going to love Dr. Pierce. She can help me see things so clearly in ways I never could before.” 

Smiling fondly, Kurt commented, “She sounds a lot like Brittany. I know most people don’t get her quirky ways, but if you really listen to her, she can be brilliant. When we were fake-dating back in my sophomore year, she made this offhand comment that ended up making me ask how boys tasted when kissing and somehow her answer made me realize that I needed to be true to myself and not pretend to be someone else just to make my dad happy. I can’t count the number of times over the years that similar things have happened, but it’s why I love her as much as I do and try to stand up for her if I hear anyone saying bad things about her. She’s a lot smarter than she lets everyone see. I think she likes to surprise the people who underestimate her.” Winking quickly at Blaine and smirking, “Sound like anyone else you know?” 

Blaine couldn’t hold back his loud laughter because it sounded just like Kurt. That exact ability was one of the reasons he’d fallen in love with his best friend. Even after being beaten down, both literally and figuratively, Kurt Hummel was no one’s bitch. He was one of the strongest people Blaine knew and he hoped to see more of that strength and determination when they were working on getting their lives together back on track. “Hmm, I’m not sure who you might be talking about. Maybe Jeff? You know he’s really a genius even if he acts like a three-year-old hopped up on pixie sticks most of the time.” 

Kurt got a surprised look on his face, before it turned mischievous, “Is that right? So Mr. Blondie is a genius but you don’t think anyone else fits that description? No one at all?” Seeing Blaine’s bright smile and negative shake of his head, Kurt shouted and leaped across the open space between them to tackle Blaine and started to tickle him mercilessly. “Are you sure? _No one_ else you know?” 

Blaine’s shrieking laughter and quick, “Nope, no one. Please Kurt! Stop!” didn’t save him from Kurt’s merciless assault.  Kurt’s intimate knowledge of Blaine’s body, (and therefore his most sensitive spots), really was an unfair advantage. 

“Nope, not going to stop until you remember who it is I was talking about. Any ideas or do I need to keep tickling? You know I can keep doing this for hours, right? I’ve been taking dance classes and have a _lot_ more upper body strength now to keep you pinned and giggling.” 

Sputtering and squirming, Blaine finally gave in after almost five minutes straight of Kurt’s nimble fingers deftly finding every ticklish spot on his ribs, “Okay! I remember who it is! It’s you; you’re a lot smarter than you let on and take great pleasure in proving it to every Neanderthal who underestimates how amazing you are. Now, _please stop tickling me before I wet myself like a child!_ ” 

Kurt rolled off of his squirming companion and laughed. “See, that’s what you get for being a brat. Although, I would prefer it if you didn’t get me wet if you decide to pee your pants from being too stubborn instead of simply telling the truth so I’d stop tickling you.” 

Looking at Kurt’s smug grin, Blaine made a decision, “Me? I’m the stubborn one? Says the only person to out-stubborn Burt Hummel.” Before Kurt could consider his last comment, Blaine rolled them over and started tickling Kurt, who was not expecting this particular turn of events. Blaine worked his fingers over Kurt’s ribs and moved quickly to the most secret spot of all, Kurt’s armpits. After all, Blaine had intimate knowledge of his own.  When he reached his target, Blaine was almost thrown off onto the floor by the violence of Kurt’s thrashing around. Giggling at the result of his tickling, Blaine stopped for a moment while looking into Kurt’s eyes, “To get me to stop, I’m going to be nicer than you were and require a much easier task, if you’re up to the challenge.” Laughing again at Kurt’s quick nod and squealed “YES!” he continued, “Okay then, we just decided that we are going to be dating again at some point, right?” Another quick nod. “Then I want what I’ve been missing most since we broke up.” Seeing Kurt’s eyes go wide with surprise he laughed, “Not _that_! I meant a kiss. I want a long, sweet kiss that will show me that you really do want me back. _That_ is what I’ve missed the most from you.” 

Looking back into Blaine’s pleading eyes, Kurt whispered, “Really? That’s what you’ve missed the most?” 

“Yes Kurt, that’s what I’ve missed the most. Well, other than just wanting my best friend back in my life. There’s something about you that just makes me happy, and I think that’s why I got so insecure after you left. I didn’t have you there to make me happy, so I wasn’t. But, I have worked on being ok on my own and we have already made changes that will keep us better connected, even when we can’t be physically together. Now I would like the other thing I missed the most. I know that sex between the two of us has always been amazing, but something about kissing you makes me feel even closer to you than anything else. Is that silly?” 

“No, it’s not silly at all. I said something very similar to Santana a while ago. It’s just more proof that we are meant to be together. Now shut up and kiss me.” 

Blaine wasted no time in pulling Kurt tighter to him and pressing their lips together. He faintly heard a whimper and couldn’t be sure if it came from him or Kurt, but didn’t really care because he was exactly where he had wanted to be for so long. He was kissing the love of his life and being kissed back just as passionately. Their lips moved together and tongues caressed each other like they would never get this opportunity again. It felt so right. It felt like coming home. Neither was sure how long they stayed locked together, neither wanting to end the connection, but both of them jumped apart when they heard a squealed, “Oh my God! My boys!” 

“Mom! What are you doing? I thought you weren’t going to be back until eight?” 

Smirking fondly at her son’s discomfort, Pam Anderson replied, “Well, my dear son, I hate to tell you this, but it is actually 9:30. Oh, this brings back memories! How many times have I walked in on you two like this and had to remind you that there is to be no sex in public areas of the house?” 

Blaine buried his face in Kurt’s shoulder while mumbling about embarrassing mothers and interrupted kisses, so Kurt decided to help, “Hello, Pam. I’ve missed you too. Sorry you walked in on that, but you really should be used to it by now.” He laughed at her exaggerated nod. “I promise that was the first and only kiss of the night, though. We were just talking about some pretty serious things and wanted to lighten the mood.” 

“Don’t worry about it, kid. I’m just glad to see you both looking this happy. I’ve been really worried about my Blainey-bear and you’ve been on my mind a lot, too. I’m just glad to see you back to being like this, how you are meant to be. I’ll go now, but don’t forget that you need to get up early tomorrow, Blaine. You’ve got to be at McKinley at 8AM to catch the bus to Regionals. Now come over here and give me a hug then I’ll leave you guys alone.” 

Both boys got up and walked over to give her a hug and kiss before she went upstairs and they headed back to their blanket. “Well, that was embarrassing! Sorry about that, but you know how she can get.” 

Chuckling, Kurt replied, “Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy that she’s not acting cold and closed off like she used to when your Dad was home. I think that she will be a lot better off without him here. They are such different people that it seemed to make her stressed just to be in the same room with him.” 

“It did. Dad has always been a bastard, but over the last couple of years, he seems to have gotten a lot worse and Mom just started closing herself off from life. As much as I hate to see her upset, I think that a divorce from that asshole will be the best thing to happen to her in years.” 

Pulling him into a hug, Kurt kissed his forehead, “I think you’re right. I should go for now. I know that you need to get some sleep because I expect you guys to kick ass tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I should get to bed. I know that Sam and Tina were supposed to help me pick up coffees at The Lima Bean, but they’re always late so it will probably just be me and a dozen cups of coffee and tea.” 

“Do you need some help? I don’t mind meeting you there if you want. I’ll just leave with Mercedes and Mike for a while so you guys can get ready. We’re supposed to be back at 11 for rehearsals, right?” 

“Yeah, we’re getting there early just to do last minute costume stuff and getting everything ready before we start rehearsing. So sure! I’d love some help with the drink delivery. Plus, getting to see your beautiful face that early would start my day off in the best way possible.” 

Kurt looked fondly at Blaine’s gorgeous smile and shook his head. “Some things never change. You, Mr. Anderson, will always be a cheesy romantic and I will always love it. Now come walk me out and get some rest before your big day tomorrow.” 

Hopping up, he held out a hand to help Kurt up and they walked to the door holding hands. Blaine felt happier than he had in months and from the smile on Kurt’s face, he was feeling the same. “Thank you for coming over here today. It really meant a lot to me.” 

Kurt brought his free hand to Blaine’s chin and tilted his face to look at him, “I have wanted to be here and work things out for longer than you know. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, but we are meant to be together. There are things we need to work out, but I have no doubt in my mind that we will be together forever.” Looking sternly at his love, Kurt said quietly, “Don’t you have them either! Okay?” 

Blaine’s eyes filled with tears of happiness at hearing this. “I don’t. I know that you are going to be the love of my life and by my side until our dying day.” 

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Kurt softly sang, “Come what may.” Pressing a soft kiss on Blaine’s cheek and taking on last quick hug, he walked quickly to his car and waved before getting in and driving back home.


	5. And It's Been Awhile Since I Said I'm Sorry

_Four Months Later_

The last few months had been some of the hardest of his life, but Blaine knew that they were also some of the best. When Kurt got back to New York after Regionals and his visit to Dr. Pierce, he got a shock when he stopped in to see Mme Tibideaux the next week to add his costuming electives. He was invited to perform at the showcase for June Dolloway. She was one of the biggest benefactors of the school and was known for taking one or two promising students under her wing to not only help guide their education, but also to help provide valuable contacts for their future careers. He was thrilled, but just before leaving her office he got a call he never expected or wanted. His father called to tell him that Finn had died. Carmen helped him back to his seat and after finding out what had happened, she arranged for Kurt to take the next week off to go home and be with his family.

Blaine spent the majority of that week with Kurt and the rest of the Hummel-Hudson family, including Sam who still lived with them. It was a heartbreaking time for all of them because Finn was such an important part of their lives, but they all realized that they had taken for granted that he would always be there to lighten the mood with a silly comment or a goofy grin. His loss would have a huge impact on many people. This time together cemented the previously fractured trust between himself and Kurt. They leaned on each other to be there when the other couldn’t be the rock that the rest of the family needed. They cried together and helped lighten the heavy burden of grief. They had talked about so many different things, but one that helped Kurt move past his grief a little was the song choice for June Dolloway. Carmen had previously told Kurt that one of the main reasons he hadn’t gotten into NYADA originally was that he was a little too practiced and lacked real emotion. Blaine had helped him pick two amazing songs that would show not only emotion, but Kurt’s diverse vocal skills. He would be singing “Seasons of Love” and “Story of My Life.” Both songs were originally multiple voices singing one song, but Kurt’s range made it easy for him to sing the entire song just as it was meant to be sung with only one voice. They also had the common thread of Finn’s loss to showcase his emotions. Initially, June didn’t seem impressed, but after speaking with Kurt she admitted that he might remind her of her ex-husband who had also been gay and was a little more influenced by that than his talent, or lack thereof.

After that, Kurt was very busy. He still had another week of classes, his internship with Vogue.com and now June was taking him out at least twice a week to meet influential people in the theater, fashion and music industries. He was almost overwhelmed, but through it all, he and Blaine refused to lose the closeness they had gotten back into their relationship. Blaine would be moving to New York at the end of the month and they were both looking forward to it. Kurt was discouraged from this “distraction” by June, but he wouldn’t let her change his mind. He even told her that if she couldn’t accept that he was in a relationship that was only getting more serious then he would have to end his relationship with _her_. She was impressed with his determination and dedication and that seemed to make her even surer that she had chosen the right person to mentor. She even offered to take them both to see a Broadway show when Blaine got to town.

Blaine had his own ups and downs during their time apart as well. His parents did end up separated and he was put in the middle of more fights than he could ever remember his parents having. His father, somehow, thought that since he was male that he would understand the needs of a man to have variety in his life. He told him that he had tried that once and regretted it the moment it was over when he realized that he had most likely ruined the best thing to have come into his life. New Directions won Regionals but ended up second place at Nationals so that meant that Glee club at McKinley was officially over for good. The alumni came back to say goodbye and share in the celebration of graduation. It made Blaine happier than he ever imagined seeing his mother standing beside Kurt and the rest of the Hummel clan cheering for him as he walked across the stage to accept his diploma.

The summer started off busy and grew even more so as he and his mother prepared for his move to New York. They had taken several trips to arrange his apartment and all of the furnishings and other odds and ends. Sam and Tina were grateful that they were going to be able to live with Blaine, but felt a little guilty over not contributing more. Pam let them both know that this was her graduation present to the trio of friends and also their housewarming gift. Blaine was delighted with their new home and how it was convenient to everyone’s school as well as Kurt’s apartment. The two had spent time together and both knew that they were on the verge of regaining the title of boyfriends, but with all of the craziness of moving, setting up house, work and other responsibilities they just hadn’t had time for that conversation.

Rachel had caused more drama than usual when she didn’t get the role in “Funny Girl” and decided that even though she wasn’t cast in the show, she was too good for NYADA. She needed to show everyone that she didn’t need school, just the experience she would get from auditioning non-stop for everything that came up. She dropped out of school, much to the distress of her fathers, but still ranted to everyone (mostly Kurt and Santana) that she was destined to perform on Broadway and wouldn’t let her first rejection discourage her. Kurt and Santana ended up spending much more of their time at either Blaine’s or Mercedes’ apartments just to get away from Rachel. Her fathers ended up coming to New York to have an intervention that ended in them taking her back to Lima for several months but paying her rent since she had signed the lease with Kurt and they didn’t want to leave him unable to pay due to her break down.

The remainder of the New York branch of the former New Directions had a Monday night dinner scheduled to keep them all in touch with each other. It revolved to each apartment on a weekly basis and everyone brought something with them. It was a great chance to catch up on the busy lives of everyone and what they were all doing. Mercedes had moved to New York on the advice of her agent. There were more opportunities for her there and she was happy to be closer to her friends and family. Brittany had moved in with her when she decided that M.I.T. just wasn’t working out for her. She felt guilty not using her mathematical genius for good, but it made her so unhappy that she decided to move closer to Santana and her other friends. She was working with several production companies as a backup dancer and there were plans in the works for her to possibly start teaching dance at an afterschool program for LGBTQ youth in the city. Tina and Sam were both happily settling into their new home and getting ready for school to start in August. They had also both gotten jobs at the Spotlight Diner with Santana to make extra money. Artie was living on campus and had a summer orientation class that was starting in a few days. Blaine had found a job performing in a small bar near the diner and was currently scheduled for two hour long sets twice a week. He loved it and the whole gang had shown up to cheer him on at his first performance. Santana was still working at the diner and had booked several more commercials and had a callback for a recurring role on a new TV show that she was very excited about. Last, but not least, Kurt was still running around with more things than he could imagine. He was in the office or helping on shoots for Vogue.com Monday through Wednesday. He was taking his Costuming electives on Thursdays and Fridays were reserved for June and all of her many and varied parties and performances. He loved his busy life, but was happy that he had his weekends free to get much needed rest and catch up on time with his friends before they all started school.

Tonight was special. It was a very special mid-week gathering of the whole group at the bar where Blaine was working, Miranda’s Mayday. They had karaoke the second Thursday of every month and they were all planning to go and sing together for the first time since they had been in glee club together. Blaine had a surprise planned and he hoped that it wouldn’t backfire on him, but he didn’t think that was a real possibility. He was planning to sing for Kurt and hopefully end the night as boyfriends. He missed that closeness more than he wanted to admit, but he knew that they needed to take things slowly and do this right in order for their relationship to work this time around. Sam and Tina thought it was a great idea and that he had chosen a perfect song. It wasn’t really something he would normally sing, but when he heard it on the radio last week, the lyrics had resonated through him and he knew this was what he needed to sing. He only hoped that Kurt understood what he was saying and felt the same way.

Everyone got to the bar around the same time and grabbed a couple of tables near the middle so that they could see the stage well but wouldn’t be so close that it would be too loud during performances by some of the less talented singers of the night. They were all looking through the song books to decide what they wanted to sing and who they would be singing with. They had a nice variety of voices and song choices available so it should be a good night. They decided on songs and put their names in to be put in rotation. Blaine was nervous and felt Tina give his shoulder a supportive squeeze as she and Mercedes went up to sing. When it was finally his turn to sing, he felt almost as if he was going to be sick, but he knew this was the right song and the right time so he took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and got up to sing about his feelings for the love of his life.

“Good evening. I’m Blaine and I wanted to sing something tonight for someone very special to me. I hurt him badly, but we’ve worked our way back from that and I hope that by the end of the night, I might be able to call him mine again. This is for Kurt.” The music started playing and he looked at Kurt before he started to sing and smiled at the pleased look on Kurt’s face.

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you  
And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means

Blaine took one last quick look at Kurt before looking down at his feet while singing the next part of the song.  It was the part that he hoped Kurt understood and knew that he meant more than anything.

And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again  
Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!

Bringing his eyes back up to meet Kurt’s, he sees the understanding in his face, along with the sadness in his eyes. He locks gazes and continues on with the song.

And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face

Blaine smiles and gives Kurt a saucy little wink.

And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste

Blaine makes sure that Kurt sees him as he slowly licks his lips, as if remembering the last time he tasted him.

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry

The crowd erupted into loud cheers and clapping but Blaine only had eyes for one person. Kurt was staring at him as if seeing him for the first time, but also with _so_ much love shining out of his eyes. Blaine thanked everyone and made his way back to their table while someone not in their group of friends was now on stage. He grabbed Kurt’s hand and smiled brightly before asking how he’d liked the performance.

“Blaine, it was wonderful. I hope that you know that you don’t have to say you’re sorry anymore, but this was really lovely. I knew exactly what you were trying to say and I want you to know that all is forgiven. Now about that little mention of tasting me...” Before he could continue, they heard Kurt’s name called and he gave Blaine a quick kiss on the forehead and whispered, “Listen closely. I think you might like it.”

Blaine couldn’t stop smiling. Tina leaned over and gave him a quick hug and kiss on the cheek just as Kurt started speaking into the microphone.

“Hi everybody! I’m Kurt, and yes, _that_ Kurt. I’d like to sing something for Blaine this time. It’s not my normal style, but it holds a lot of meaning. I hope you enjoy it.” He sees Blaine get a huge grin on his face when he recognizes the song just before he starts singing.

I can be tough  
I can be strong  
But with you  
It's not like that at all  
There's a guy  
That gives a shit  
Behind this wall  
You just walked through it  
And I remember all those crazy things you said  
You left them running through my head  
You're always there, you're everywhere  
But right now I wish you were here  
All those crazy things we did  
Didn't think about it, just went with it  
You're always there, you're everywhere  
But right now I wish you were here  
Damn, Damn, Damn,  
What I'd do to have you  
Here, here, here  
I wish you were here.  
Damn, Damn, Damn  
What I'd do to have you  
Near, near, near  
I wish you were here.  
I love  
The way you are  
It's who I am  
Don't have to try hard  
We always say  
Say it like it is  
And the truth  
Is that I really miss

Kurt sees tears running down Blaine’s happy face as he realizes what Kurt is saying to him.

All those crazy things you said (things you said)  
You left them running through my head (through my head)  
You're always there, you're everywhere  
But right now I wish you were here.  
All those crazy things we did (things we did)  
Didn't think about it, just went with it (went with it)  
You're always there, you're everywhere  
But right now I wish you were here  
Damn, Damn, Damn,  
What I'd do to have you  
Here, here, here  
I wish you were here.  
Damn, Damn, Damn  
What I'd do to have you  
Near, near, near  
I wish you were here.  
No, I don't wanna let go  
I just wanna let you know  
That I never wanna let go  
(Let go, oh, oh)  
No, I don't wanna let go  
I just wanna let you know  
That I never wanna let go

Kurt held out his hand to Blaine who ran up onstage to sing with him for the last repeats of the chorus. At first they shared a microphone before someone handed Blaine his own and they finished the song together.

(Let go let go let go let go let go let go let go)  
Damn, Damn, Damn,  
What I'd do to have you  
Here, here, here  
I wish you were here (I wish you were here)  
Damn, Damn, Damn  
What I'd do to have you  
Near, near, near  
I wish you were here.

As soon as the song ended, Blaine pulled Kurt in for a passionate kiss that drove the crowd wild. Their friends were obviously the loudest, but there were catcalls and cheering and clapping until they parted with huge smiles on their faces and looked out at the crowd as if surprised they were still onstage. They quickly thanked everyone and ran back to their table where they are greeted with hugs, congratulations and all kinds of uncomfortable questions from Santana and Brittany. They were laughing and answered that yes this means that they are officially boyfriends again. They were also planning on how to get out of the bar as quickly as they could convince one of the roommates that they would like to have some alone time. They had a lot of time to make up for.

**Author's Note:**

> The songs used were It's Been a While by Staind and I Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne.


End file.
